Repetitive

Lots of things in my job are done so often I forget how they get done. They are repetitive things that occur on every assignment. I found today that they can be life saving.

I stop and think about what actions I take to begin every job, they are as follows. Pull the lever, the flap opens, insert the card, close flap, format the card, enter the information into the cameras computer so it will tag every image for the job, check settings. Most of those things I don't even need to look while doing them. I use the view finder to tell me what the camera is set on. I know the knobs I need to turn to set up. Again, I don't look while I do this, I know where they are. I can deploy my tripod without looking. You might think one could get tunnel carpel from all this repetition. The variety of actions probably saves me from it.

One of my favorite things to do is take photos of Officers who are getting recognition. One has to do a lot besides put up with the heat while wearing black nylon and a thick bullet proof vest. They are required to put up with people having the worst day of their lives. So many by their own choosing. The greatest job security for law enforcement is the never ending stupidity and jealousy that is a catalyst for most of the tragic scenes I visit. You can add your own opine here_____:)

Now I'm in the studio with an officer and his partner. A parter is like the left ventricle of your heart. No one lives without one. I have to prepare the lighting and the camera. Standards require I ask the officer to remove the vest and the Sam Brown which is the tool belt that carries the batman stuff all officers have now, they have lots of stuff. Just the stuff alone makes a lot of people want to be one. The tools include a gun with extra clips. Communications like a radio and cell phone. Tasers and other less than lethal items. I had to ask about a recent ruling on an officer who pulled his gun instead of taser that caused a fatality. The officer gave me a quick lesson on the amount of training they go through to ensure that it does not happen. The practice involves drawing either, each, one or the other, until a thought becomes an action. The same way you don't think about driving your car, tying your shoes, or what I do to work a camera or tripod they put into making sure their hand is full of the object they need. The one appropriate for the situation. Each situation an officer can be expected to encounter is trained for as rigidly and exhaustively. That is what they are trained to do. Being exceptional, above and beyond the twelve thousand others is rare, that is why I enjoy taking those particular portraits. I am portraying a person who is above and beyond the finest and brightest.

I have only had one nightmare about grabbing the wrong thing. I will never have the ones an officer might when a small falter, not their own, ends in tragedy.

Never Give up

Were I as so arrogant to assume the ability to mobilize the English language and send it into battle, I would do so without apology. Never give up on being a better writer.

We have, for now, free speech. It is as free as you take it. Free speech is not given to you. Try to say something against the popular grain such as: “Dr Martin Luther King was a Republican” and the flummoxed faces will soon shout indignation and spew hatred for you no matter your color. I know this as I see the hate for conservative blacks promoted by what used to be the main media. The main media is quickly faltering. I have watched it lie for twenty seven years as of this post, July of 2012. Never give up on finding every facet of truth.

I have policy disagreements with Liberals. They have, on average, poor grasp of business. What they do understand is that education and qualification are of paramount importance. I have no argument with that. They do, shout down, anyone they can who is not qualified to “speak”. Never give up on your rights.

I am not writing today to make a declaration or turn the tide. I would simply remind those who hold power, for now, that all glory is fleeting. Notice the little people holding a golden crown of thorns above your head. The only real legacy anyone should care about is the truth. The truth will outlast everything we are and build. Be careful of self importance fueled by any form of adulation. Arrogance has brought down empires. Never give up your freedom.

I have been called a racist for not wanting Obama reelected. I would vote for Dr Condolezza Rice. Mmm, am I covering several Liberal bases here? Never give up on self determination.

The most important aspect to success for an individual is their Emotional IQ. They can gather others to forward an idea or make a big project happen. Be careful of the politician who is merely good at making you feel like your being listened to. Most important, be careful what you demand with your protesting and petitioning of the government. Any government big enough to give you everything, is also big enough to take everything. Never give up on your innovation.

I think protests are awesome. Please, protest at will. Just do your cause and my nose a favor. Do not take over the lawns of public places and leave feces and trash all over. That is what the public will really remember about what you are. Not what you stood for. You see, a trash pile and hazardous waste clean up is the final sound bite of everything you were trying to do with the occupy movement. A sound bite destroyed any message you could have had. All glory, and fame, are fleeting. Never give up your soul.

http://www.winstonchurchill.org/learn/speeches/quotations/quotes-faq

He mobilized the English language and sent it into battle to steady his fellow countrymen and hearten those Europeans upon whom the long dark night of tyranny had descended.

—Edward R. Murrow, American journalist, on Winston Churchill, 1954

Healer

Normally one thinks of someone in a hospital as a healer. I have met many Doctors who are just punching through the numbers, some who care about what they do, some truly interested in the process of returning someone to full function. Detectives come in all of these flavors.

Overworked is not just some idiot thing I spew when it comes to the detectives I have gotten to know. Some, out of pure frustration become 'by the numbers only' administrators of overstrung resources. These detectives have learned to do the job without straining the system that never has enough people and equipment to solve every crime that comes along. If what I said sounds cruel I am truly sorry. Not every crime gets full blown attention. I was telling a story of four teenagers shot up in a car at a housing project on a Sunday afternoon. There was no media and the thousands of people who were out milling around didn't see anything. In the right neighborhood, say like a nice suburb, their would be national attention. I did get the hint from the Officer In Charge that the teens were selling drugs where they were not supposed to. I was told to take the photos and then the officers could all leave. I did and we all left. I wondered if someone would report what happened later.

Most detectives fall into the category of really loving what they do. They like being surrounded by the staff of experts a department like LAPD has and they are genuinely happy about seeing me on scene. They gather evidence while walking with me knowing that every nuance of procedure they follow today helps the case they have, and probably cases in the future. Good police work has allowed the cold case unit to solve murders that are more than fifty years old.

The true healers, the ones all other detectives look up to are so very rare. They have what it takes to be a great detective, and a great mentor. The joy of every process and the way they embrace every member of the team is palatable. You want to be like them in all ways. I have seen them solve cases with only a few interviews. They contrast the first kind, the administrator who figures 'without DNA there is no case.' I am amazed how the healers, like great doctors can get the invisible dots illuminated, and then connected.

I had a chance to talk about what I do this weekend. I met Dr Tess Gerritsen the author of “The Surgeon” who's work has been turned into the popular television show Rizzoli and Isles. It is obvious to me she is a healer, someone who takes what they do to the highest level it can be.

Doing your best, then doing it again makes you better, never get put down by your first effort, or get too hyped by early recognition. Make yourself open to new learning and points of view. Doing this will make you the healer so admired.

I let someone else

Photography is no joke, not to me, not to the people I serve while documenting crime scenes. It takes two sides of the brain to be the technical artist behind the lens. There are times, with all I know, that I let others do the hard work and just enjoy.

Today there was a solar eclipse. I know the best photographers in the world are out their with sophisticated equipment capturing it. I just can’t wait to see some of the better results.

I’m also a photo freak. I can’t just ‘kick it’, waiting around like some voyeuristic couch potato waiting to gobble up the flotsam of others efforts. So I had to do something.  Yep, I wanted to do a poignant photo with my cell phone. I need help, I know.

How?  Not directly, all I would get is a tiny white dot. After looking for a surface that would not be blinding when I focused the sun with my reading glasses on it, I went to work lining things up. First try; the inside of a sunglass case that was coated in black felt was a pooch.

I could not get the direction of the sun, and the background, and my glasses, and the cell phone all out of each other’s way. The left side of my brain was being a snob and started to suggest getting clips and a tripod. The right side was more impatient and wanted to be manlier about it all, that is also the side that drinks. I decided to concur problem one; get the image to look right. Finally the two sides of my brain quit arguing and settled on my front door. I put the glasses up, and using them like one would use a magnifying glass I focused the dual image on the door. Then the idiot celestial movements took my lovely alignment and made it oblong or egg shaped, POOP!

The left side of my brain kicked in after laughing at the artistic right that had the idea in the first place. The artist wanted to just go have more beer, the left said sorry, and discussed swinging the door to match the suns track, in reverse, BINGO!

Now I had a decent dual image, a great line up and the right contrast to make Mr. cell phone happy. Using my left big toe to slowly keep the door opening I was able to with only two hands line up and take the shot. That’s when the left side wanted a beer too and suggested that we look for better shots tomorrow on the web.

To you the astronomer I hold in such high esteem. I look forward to your work, wish I were as smart and am glad you are keeping photography’s limits pushed. Not every photographer does fashion, and weddings, and crime scenes, and astronomy. Not every child will grow up fulfilling its parent’s wishes. Do let them try and fail. Let yourself try, fail, and try again. If you do, at least you will have lived a bit more, then if you did not.

Bump Back

“There are things that go bump in the night, we bump back.” It was taken from a popular movie, Hellboy. I really like it, it encompasses a lot.

We train, we are dedicated, we are unified the few thousand of us at LAPD. I have six months of over the shoulder critiques after coming to my job with more than a decade of taking photos, video, and film. I am ready and confident that the misery I walk up to shall not go undocumented when I'm there.

When the night horrors fly unfettered looking for easy prey they will avoid the few who bump back.

There are times when I feel like bitch slapping half the planet for doing stupid stuff like burning books and tagging.

I just remember one thing. A book that lives in your heart can never be burned. Fill your heart with good stuff. The bump in the night will go bother someone else.

Signs

We have to be careful. Some more than others will simply stick their hands into a whirling machine just to see why it's stuck, I have seen what happens on that one. Longevity sometimes goes to the observant, impulsive non observance can really end it for you quick.

Around Parker Center there were many signs posted to avoid annoyance. Smoking was a big theme.

We put up caution tape that says; “DO NOT CROSS”, in two languages that should tell anyone to just walk around. I have seen people just duck under and go on through like it means nothing. One guy on a bike zipping down the sidewalk caught the tape with his throat. Were it not forgiving plastic that would have been another headless person for me to photo. I have photographed missing arms and the squashed bodies of those who just think the words are for someone else.

My dearest love and I had what I now understand to be an intense misunderstanding when we were struggling to keep going together. Communication broke down often, I had poor understanding of her signs. We sat facing each other at a favorite restaurant. Her fists were tight and near hear face. I knew something was wrong but I am poor at reading such things. After more than a month of discussion with understanding I now know that she wanted so badly to be touching me, to feel my warmth.

I have felt poorly about not reading the signs around me, the ones that lack words. I am assured that I won't be missing any limbs or worse for it. It is now my joy to see her in many places even when the miles separate us both. Look around, lovely is everywhere.

Eyes

I have seen more crime in a year than most sworn members of this department will in their career. That's just the statistic. I wonder how long I can continue to see society's worst.

How often the eyes of a new officer are so obvious to me. They flash with a kind of excitement that is between curious and the 'can I take it' look I must have had when I first got here. After a few years I became accustomed, but not numb to what I am surrounded by. It took me a while to realize that the calm pallor I now exhibit is actually noticed. I hear, 'you see a lot of this..' as they look back from direct eye contact with me to the scene. Not until recently did I see my self as the calm one. In my thirties that would not be the case. The only thing that gets me wound up now is if I miss lunch.

There are scenes so horrific that management has had to ask if I'm okay after viewing the photo's I bring back. As though they are coming back from being their I am looked at with a kind of horror and wonder. How odd that I feel the need to be reassuring. I share my short version of philosophy and thank them for their concern. My eyes are on to the next assignment.

I don't always find dead people with their eyes closed. Often the look is a relaxed vacant one. As though they saw the other side and knew it was going to be okay. I found it creepy at first and now find it reassuring. They seem to me to have seen the mercy that lies ahead forever and they just stepped over to the other side, willingly, happily. They leave the shell behind with this world and no regrets go with them.

When I take photos of victims of violence they give me looks that range from, 'when will this be over' to 'please don't hurt me too'. The first is a kind of anger to resolution that is hard to describe. I would say it is a frightened glare, way off into the distance. The second ranges from looking down and away to staring at me, eye brows arched up to their maximum, very close focus. Children stare at me, trying to read what I might do. Those are looks I regard as normal. What wrenches me still is when the child is smiling because pictures are a happy time. Even with older wounds healing over and sometimes skin that reflects malnourishment they are as happy as you might expect them to be if they were going to Disneyland.

Through my own eyes the witness to life’s last pain has been remarkable. I have them set into the future and on a bigger prize. That thought alone keeps me focused, when I need to, on the toughest job I have ever loved.

I think the look I have had the hardest time with is in the eyes of an inexperience officer who has had to use the ultimate power to defend their life. Even the coolest ones know that without the training and teamwork they are surrounded by the deadly duel could have gone against them. It is then they look down the long path of investigation that will involve them wholly. It is a worried, thousand yard stare into an unknown distance saturated by fog. Not even the slightest detail to let them know if the path is windy, or straight and down. No one will ever get the fear of the unknown trained out of them. It's why we call them brave.

History may show some glint leftover of my life. For every thousand words my shutter is worth they are digitized and left for posterity to remember, if it wants too. I have loved ones, I do what I can so they have the best of what I can be to view in their minds eye, when they remember to.